Absolution

I once read in a potion book once that you could make Holy Water. It took salt and water and a blessing from the sun and moon. Or your local Holy person. And ta da, perfectly good Holy Water. The water is now good for consecration, cleansing, and the stray vampire.

My tears are like that, salt and water, touched by sun and moon. I believe when I cry it cleanses the pain away, but also sanctifies the joy or anguish and makes it all the more meaningful and sometimes pushes the blade in a little further.

My lover and I are no longer, once fire is now ice, promises of tomorrow built now lies in tumbling debris. Yet, as most people know, a good foundation weathers such small storms. Ours was not. Built of straw, on nothing but mutual desire, it was doomed to fail, out of the ashes, I might be reborn, or be burnt again, but this life is for the living, and he has claimed too many of my anguished tears.

The details of our demise aren't all that important, out of respect for his privacy and my certain bias as to his wrong doing, I won't mention them in my post. It ended in my slamming my phone, and yes, dramatically sobbing. The anger and hurt just poured out, his words like slivers of glass, cutting into my skin. The pain was almost physical, and as I sat there I knew I needed a friend. As always I turned to Tanner, messaging him immediately about being through with all men forever. He was at work, and texted quickly that he would come by as soon as he could.

I then turned the thermostat down to sixty, and bundled deeply under my favorite comforter on the couch with a big bag of pecan sandies. Soon they were gone, as was the glass of milk that I had accompanying it. Absently I rubbed my belly, the ache from being over full only slightly masking the ache in my heart. Tears kept coming, silently, staining my cheeks and wetting my shirt. I sniffled and settled down under the covers, my head tired and strained from the emotions spinning.

When I awoke it was to a knock at the door. Two hours had passed as I had laid there in my pity and slumber. I opened the door, and looked up at Tanner's exhausted but concerned face, and I couldn't help but pull him into me and hug him tightly. I am tall at five eleven, but his frame is taller, at six six. My soft body pressed against his, my head under his chin, as he wrapped his arms around me. I stood there for a moment, pulling into me all of the comfort he had to offer, letting it sooth the gashes in my heart.

When I pulled away he lead me back to the love seat, and sat down. He patted his lap and motioned for me to sit, and when I scoffed and rolled my eyes, he tugged my hand and basically made me fall into his lap. I wiggled around, until half of my bottom was hanging off of his lap, my back supported by his arm and the straining arm rest, my legs hanging over the other end. His chest rumbled as he spoke in a deep baritone.

"Now, what happened, and why in the hell are you crying over that piece of shit anyways love?" he asked as he stroked my hair. It came out in blubbering prose, every nasty word uttered and stab taken, and although I knew my lover and I had both said things out of simple hurt and anger it was all amplified a thousand fold by my own shame, at the foolishness of growing to care for one who was never truly compatible with me.

His other hand laid softly on my belly, rubbing it soothingly as I spoke to him. Looking up I saw his blue eyes attentive, but his face was red and he looked in pain. I quickly tried to pull my cumbersome body up and away from him, but he pulled me back down.

"Whats wrong?" I told him I knew he was uncomfortable, and I hadn’t meant to sit on him as long as I had. He laughed so much his slight belly pushed into my side and his face turned redder. By this time I was confused and stared at him waiting to answer. My eyes were red, poofy and odd shade of green as they turn when I am melancholy; widely staring, my lips swollen and parted, face flushed and pink. He appeared to be struggling with what to say, but sighed as he ran one hand through his hair.

"I am not uncomfortable because of a physical pain, Kit." Underneath me he adjusted his leg and I felt the full burden of what he was feeling. His pants sheathed his erection, but could not hide its glory. Slowly I blushed and looked at him incredulously. "What the hell Tanner? I ask him, yet I felt such a strong stirring that I felt ashamed.

"Oh hell, I'm sorry hon. Its just the weight of you on me, and how beautiful you are. You know I've always respected our friendship, but just because I don't make a move, doesn't mean my body doesn't respond to you so close." I laughed and sniffled at the same time and mentioned he had to have lost his mind as I grabbed a few tissues from the table.

"Well let me move then," I said between wiping my nose. He quickly grabbed up another one and wiped the tears from one of my eyes. I paused, and my breath caught. He leaned in, and as he raised his lips to kiss the other eye, I found myself disappointed it was not my lips. He kissed me again softly, his goatee slightly tickling me as he stopped mid cheek to catch an errant tear. His hand tenderly cupping my face he studied my reaction.

"No." My eyes were heavy now. Some how not having the energy to open fully, I gazed at him under my lashes unable to formulate a reply. It had been so long since I had been kissed slowly. Turning my body slightly toward him, I placed one hand on his chest. His heart was beating rapidly. His hand trailed from my face, slowly tracing the exposed skin on my shoulder that had been exposed when I had shifted. "Kit, you guys have been over for a month now. You might just now be acknowledging it, but he's been long gone." I shivered as his hand ran back up and over my shoulder to my neck. His warm hands slowly working out the kink in my neck.

"And although, I hate to see you hurt, I am glad it is over. He never treasured you properly." I snorted at his comment and went to turn away, but his hand was there on my cheek again. "Look at me," he commanded softly. "You are a beautiful and amazing woman. Somewhat impulsive, a tad moody, but amazing and full of life and he was draining you of it." His voice had lowered now, softer still, more intimate. More pained. "Let me give it back to you. Let me show you how beautiful you are to me." His thumb rubbed another damned tear that managed to escape.

I sighed and leaned into him, kissing his lips ever so tentatively. His hands rose up, resting on my hips, and he kissed me back. There was no rushing, no heated meeting, just a melding of lips and tongues as I wrapped my arms around him. Wriggling at the uncomfortableness of the position, I pulled away and ambled toward one side. Quietly I rose, then stood in front of him. His hands again went to my middle, and lifted up my night shirt to reveal my large white belly. His hands glided over every inch, and he bent down to kiss it.

Eyes closing I pushed my belly toward him more, the feel of his lips on my bare belly an ecstasy unlike any I had experienced. My hand was in his hair, and I guided his face upward. My lips met his again, and with my weight I pushed him backwards. Each of my hands on his shoulders, pinning him backwards, one heavy leg straddled his, and then another. I could feel the couch moan from the tension, but he said nothing, his thighs straining as I softly lowered my ass down onto his lap.

His hands roamed under my night shirt, finding the boy shorts that I had worn. Fingers teased the band as I gasp in surprise and hips arched inward. When Tanner moaned I could feel the vibrations of it deep in my own chest, and it surprised me how good it felt. He nuzzled deep into the cleavage of my breast as he held me tighter against him. I giggled as he broke the serenity with a playful shake of his head in between each massive globe.

He stopped and shared my grin. "Much better." he mumbled as he moved to engulf my breasts in his hands. He pushed them together, then apart, and bent to kiss each one reverently. His thumbs quickly discovered my puckering nipples and he playfully circled them, every now and then flicking one absently as he trailed kisses from the inside of my neck to just above the areola. His slow pace was maddening and I arched to entice him to take one into his mouth. He would just move away, his hands moving to pull a thread piece of hair aside.

I let out a whimper and the man had the audacity to laugh at me! I thought briefly of throwing him out, but at that moment he said, very well, and picked up one of my breasts with both of his hands, making me arch back to allow him access. With his tongue he flicked and then licked it fully, then blew on the now wet skin. My hands pulled his head closer and he smiled as he finally took my nipple into his mouth. Ohhhh I moaned. My clit began to throb and moisture build. His skilled tongue worked and suckled.

Switching he moved to the other nipple and with one hand I raised it to his mouth. His other hand remained to massage and knead as his tongue and mouth created a lovely chaos in my soul on the other one. I tried speaking, but found I could not. Only small moans could escape my mouth and as he eagerly paid homage to my breasts I watched him. His eyes soft, long lashes flittering, his tan face darker with the flush of passion.

He stopped, and guided me off of his lap, and then quickly moved to the floor. Again he raised my shirt and kissed my belly then quickly pulled it off of my head. He sighed looking at me, and although my first thought was to cover my large body, he pulled my hands away and smiled. On his knees he kissed the palm of my hand, and trailed kisses up to my thick wrist, then the soft folds of skin that gather at my elbow, then in the middle of my forearm, where it was the fattest. Further still he trailed down between my breasts, playfully tweaking each nipple, then at my belly button. His hands rested only briefly at my shorts as he gathered the material and worked it over each hip and cheek.

As if being allowed to breath my belly tumbled out as I raised my hips to allow him to move them down. I jiggled as he shimmied them down my thighs, trailing kisses down my leg, one on my thigh, the other in the crease of my knee, and finally one on the inside of my ankle which made me moan agreeably.

Tanner liked watching me I think, he appeared to soak in every inch of me, as he man handled me, pulling my hips toward him, and raising my large calves above his shoulders. He kissed the top of my fat pussy, the small sprinkling of hair framing thick lips glistening with wetness. He darted his tongue out and licked the outer edge, tracing them as he began massaging my thighs with his strong hands.

I couldn't reach him over my belly, but focused instead on my own pleasure, selfishly twisting my nipples between my fingers to heighten the sensations. He nibbled the lip, sucking and pulling it into his mouth, then with both his thumbs rubbed upward opening me up to him. I could barely catch my breath as the cool air reached my clit. Loudly moaning I arched toward him, encouraging his advances. He kissed it tenderly, then slowly suckled it into his mouth. Then his tongue flicked out as he caught the pearl gently between his teeth and drumming his tongue against it.

When I felt one thick finger slowly slide deep within my tight hole I moaned so loud I am sure one of my neighbors heard. It felt so amazing as the walls grasp around his fat finger and he slowly pulled it in and out. I was so wet his finger slid easily and he tried adding another to it. Slowly he edged another in, stretching me, sucking each lip, nibbling then licking the inside again. He began to increase the pace once my tightness grew accustomed to the thick expanse of his fingers. Moaning louder and louder, I began whimpering to have him inside me.

Please, I remember asking him, I want to feel you inside me. He relented only to rise and pull off his clothes. I watch him in awe, his broad shoulders and arms framed his chest speckled with dark black hair. His waste was softer than his pecs, but under his softness you could see the bulk of him. Firm and thick his waste gave way to a full round ass and a light speckling of hair from which sprouted his engorged cock. Ignoring my own throbbing need, I greedily took it into my mouth, my lips stretching around the bulk of his erection.

One hand assisted my mouth, moving up and down the length of him, mimicking my mouth as I flicked my tongue, stopping only at the head to suck a little harder, and line the inside of his small opening with my tongue while the other hand cupped and massaged his heavy balls. His hands were in my hair, gently guiding, and his baritone moans showed he appreciated my efforts. He stopped me and pushed me back softly. Positioning himself above me, he rubbed his wet cock up and down my pussy lips and I moaned in protest.

Pausing, he positioned myself and began to enter me. I held my legs up, allowing him the greatest access, and he guided himself further in, stretching me with his size. Once he had reached the hilt he stared at me for a moment, the reached to kiss my lips. He tasted of my juices, sweet and pungent, and my hands dug into his shoulders with the intensity of my need. He slowly began to thrust in and out, my legs now around his waist, my hips rising to meet his.

His hands fondled my breasts, and he raised one to my mouth and our tongues played around the nipple and I felt him quicken his speed. I was afraid he would hush me I was so loud, moaning over and over again, murmuring yes as each thrust filled me completely. but he seemed to love the noise I made and matched them with moans of his own. HIs hands moved to shift my hips and they dug into the fat on the sides of my ass.

Harder and harder he pushed, and each push I grew closer and closer until I screamed his name. I said it over and over. Tanner, tanner, tanner, each time softer and softer as I lost all of my power. He pulled out, while looking at me, jerking it once then twice, a guttural moan escaping him as he threw his head back and cum shot from his cock all over my stomach. His breathing shallow, desire spent, he looked almost bashful as he reached for my shirt and leaned over to clean my milky skin. I smiled at him, and then surprised him by raising up and taking his spent cock in my mouth, sucking the last bits of his orgasm into me. He wobbled, so I grabbed his ass with my massive arms and anchored him as my tongue emptied him.

When I stopped, I looked up into his eyes and smiled and he smiled back weakly, then kissed me on my forehead. We both rose and went into my bedroom, dragging my comforter behind me. "Its freezing in here, babe." He mentioned non chalantly as we both collapsed on the bed. I pulled the comforter over the top of us and snuggled deeply into the nook between his arm and chest. I buried my hand in his hair and just listened to his breathing turn to normal. Soon he was fast asleep.

I snuck out a few minutes ago to blog, to try to make sense of all the emotions that I have felt today. I know Tanner and I are just friends, but tonight he gave me comfort and peace and reminded me that I am a goddess in my own right. That i deserve to be treasured just as he had made me feel tonight. I know I am going to miss my lover, but Tanner was right. It has been over for such a long time, and the old has to burn away before the new can arise from the ashes.

My tears might have consecrated my pain, but it was Tanner's ecstasy that cleansed my soul from the torment of the past few months. And so I am off to burrow down in the nook of his arm, surrounded by his tenderness and in the morning I will torture him for making me wait so long to know his embrace.