Manically Moody

Most times I am a very easy going individual. I laugh easy, anger rarely, and just float down the river of life, eager just to feel the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. But, there are times, probably not as rare as I would like to think, that I am moody, and irritable and just plain pouty.

Yesterday was one of those days. Could have been the lack of sleep, two hours really isn't much for anyone to gather enough rest to refreash their soul, but I just couldn't sleep, my mind racing, blood pumping, soul alive and eager and ready to experience the next big thrill. Could have been I woke up to "I'm sorry honey, got called in, we gotta reschedule." !!!!!! GRRRR!! Like I care if something blew up and he had to go fix it? Okay, so I do. But still, it was frustrating.

I have two people doing photography for me right now. One of them is a great friend, my best friend actually, another SSBBW, who is an inspiration full of talent, spunk and laughter. She is very reliable, always there and actually calls me in the middle of the night to tell me the next shoot she has thought up. I feel like a big barbie doll sometimes! I do enjoy it thoroughly. I know she enjoys taking the pics as much as I like posing for them. Those shoots are always filled with so much fun, laughter and yes, admitedly a little sultry flirting. What can I say? I am a very sexual person.

The other person who does my photography, is insanely busy, his "day job" being a night, sometimes weekends, sometimes travel to the other side of the world job. The only reason he is my other photographer is because he is also my lover. It is very intimate to have someone with very erotic knowledge of you take your pictures. Seeing yourself through their eyes, their lust, their extacy and eager need is almost a drug for your senses. The resulting photo shoot, just a bonus really.

Most the time I don't mind rescheduling a date, because his job is so demanding, and I can respect that his career is very meaningful to him. I suppose I was just disappointed, a ballon full of excitement and eagerness deflated into a wrinkly ball of nothing.

I spent the day being moody, lurking online, hiding from the cheerfulness of the day and just being crabby. Nothing I started got finished, every person I spoke to, was snapped at. I hate making people uncomfortable, or not making them smile. I am a pleaser. Always eager to fill the world with joy and anticipation, and yet yesterday even when spoken to I was at best lack luster in my conversation or responses.

I suppose you can't be happy every day of the year, but today, after a solid eight hours of sleep, I have awaken feeling quiet shameful for letting such a little thing affect me so much.

Today I have already jumped up, cleaned the house until it sparkled, made a wonderful brunch of fresh apples, cheese and crackers, done laundry, and made a few work related emails. All before noon! I guess I just needed to be refreshed, and someone calling to say he was truely sorry and mimssed me terribly didn't hurt either!